Sometimes you just wonder if either you've changed or the situations have changed.

Paranoia is the key to killing life. Paranoia is the key to killing oneself. Okay that sounded like the opening line to a suicidal note. No I am not suicidal, so please don’t send me to counseling. I just think im very paranoid about karma. For example a situation happened to me about 4 hours ago, then  3 hours later someone tells me something that destroys my hope and then I did something that I couldn’t help doing which then, I realize it could  be karma. Karma revolves around me 24/7; I am a compulsive karma believer.  

Usually, if something doesn’t go my way, I would blame karma which then leads back to me. Hence, I would be blaming myself. I guess it’s a low self esteem act but I don’t think I have low self esteem, ironically im overloaded with high self esteem, excuse me ,if I sound like a stuck up bitch but its true.

People who are constantly happy, you think nothing would ever break them and when a significant thing does break them, it goes totally out of control and people are tremendously shock like seeing a bad accident, moreover it IS a bad accident as it never happens. However, if a person who is usually fragile and “emo”, it would be normal if they had a breakdown. Typical to judge I’d say. Im not saying I don’t judge but the difference is, I belong to one of these groups, I just can’t figure out which one.

So how do I let go of my compulsive disorder and just let things... flow?

Excuse me for this obsessive and love entry but this issue has been a big issue for me in the past few days. I know its stupid and we're still young but when you come across it, you just don't know what to do. I know every girl dreams, even the most non-boyaholic girls dream..

My Ideal guy consists of:

1. Nice hair, physique, and well groomed (i.e knowing how to dress, perfume & shoes)

2. Makes me laugh & smile and keeps a flowy conversation.

3. Knows how to play the guitar & sing.

4.  Great taste in music pref. NOT the trance/rnb boy.

5. Acts as a best friend rather than a boyfriend, but he knows when to act like what at certain times.

6. He has a solid future, i.e not a dropout or junkie.

7. Mamma's boy :D

8. DOES NOT SMOKE.

9. Listens and understands.

10. Loves me and my friends.

So the first week of holidays has just flown by and boy has it been a topsy turvy ride! Everyday was a party (literally) and there was not one day that I stayed home. Partying is fun and people may think “you will never get sick of partying” but believe me, you do. I did, I am and Im just looking forward to chilling out although I still do want to party.

Time to hit the books! (hopefully)

I hate fast food

I hate rude/lousy customers

I hate rain

I hate the cold

I hate lag

I hate unplanned moments

I hate criticism

I hate the emphasititon of "FUCK"

I hate busy days

I hate oily hair

I hate insults

I hate periods

I hate pms

I hate people who eat fast food on a Sunday

I hate annoying people who wont leave you alone

I hate people who dont do shit for you and when you need them, their not there

I hate people who don't get the message

I hate people who are fucking nosy

I hate people who think their so great

I hate liars

I hate people who stand in your way

I hate judgemental fuckers

But most of all,

I hate blah days

Friday.
 

I started walking to school at 8 friggin am. OMG guess what I saw in the corner on my eye? The school bus that goes directly to fairvale! Silly me for not thinking of it before! Making it just in time, I  hopped on!     Fate.      Having literally hopped on the bus, I sat right at the front, almost next to the bus driver. uhhh mistake!
 

The bus driver attempted the art of smalltalk… “are you vietnameee?” and yada yada, like Hello?! I was trying to read my notes for my up and coming physics exam!

Got to school, did the exam, and afterwards I was about to run (thanh 2007 athletics carnival style) all the way to canley heights to catch my 800 bus which came in lik 12 minutes! But then Julie, my dues ex machina (lol) gave me a lift to canley heights! Thankyouuuuuuuu! Hopped on (again)..fate, and I couldn’t but notice the fact that everyone on the bus was like a pension card holder. I felt so young, and paranoid over being accused of truanting.  

The bus arrived at livo westies at 10:30… I, managed to get off the friggin bus at 10:35. damn old people. Ahaha nah I love old people        …uhh no not in that way.

Went to the toilets and got changed out of my uniform, met up with chris, told him all about my lucky bus day. then we watched What happens in Vegas! Omg funny movie mannn! There was this one bit where I couldn’t stop laughing!!ahaha You should watch it! I then apparently peer pressured chris into buying this Industrie short trench style jacket, which he again apparently wasn’t sure he liked. Ahaha trustttt mannn trustttttt.

 Oh we ran into jenny dao , thuy n lyer..!

my bus was gonna come at 3:07 , so I headed over to wait for it at 3.

 3:15- still no sign of a big yellow non-school bus. Fook ! I jinxed my lucky bus day! My shift starts at 3:30…oh panic attack! So I called in to work n told them I’d be lik 15 minutes (LIES LIES) late… I turned to this guy who looked kinda familiar -I think he went my primary school- n asked if he knew what time the 800 came, he told me it already came and that the next one comes at 4……………….foook foook foook fookkkk

 It’s funny.. when your not looking for a taxi –its everywhere. When your desperate for one- you gotta walk all the way to friggin livo station !!

 Did I mention as I crossed the road to the station I saw my 800 bus pass? N it was lik 3:30? AHAHAHARGHHHHHHHHHHHH THAT LYING SON OF A BITCH!!

Back to where I was…

The taxi, yes, I got changed into my work uniform in the back of the taxi.

 I know, I know! Your probly thinking WTH is she crazy? What if the taxi driver saw?! The answer is no to both, I am not crazy and I am certain the driver didn’t see me!  

 Work was actually pretty cool, my butch manager calls me cath and forgot all about the hat forgetting incident =). Clean slate.

Fast forward to today –

Monday

I found out my Physics results today and well… I’m depressed, so depressed I decided to walk home to have time to think, and once I got home I screamed into my pillow for lik 3 minutes! *sigh* well it’s not that bad, but its not that great either. I blame the annoying bus driver and his smalltalk! LOL

 On my walk home, the 800 bus passed me,  and guess who I saw sitting on it??? THAT FRIGGIN guy who told me the bus came an hour later!! Costed me lik 14 bucks. Bitch ! if I ever see him again….

Im so sleepy.

GOODNIGHT!

p.s. camp soon!!!!

I just closed my Photoshop. Well the plan was to make a collage of all the photos I haven't post up in the past few months, it's been so long since I've posted up an entry with photos. Yikes! But im so lazy.. It takes so long, I have to go through the process of re-sizing it & then uploading it.. I'd rather run a marathon!

Anyways, I feel so FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. I had the day off school today, no im not a bludger, all my exams finished on Thursday. It felt so good to have some time to myself without thoughts of stressing over exams or scheduled times to study. I also had time to think about things and of course BLOG!

I spent the whole day watching season 3 of How I Met Your Mother. Its so goooooood, its as equally good as The O.C, Gossip Girl & Sex and the City! Speaking of SATC, the movie is coming out in Australia on June 5^th BUT, I have freaking camp… I WANTED TO WATCH IT ON THE DAY IT CAME OUT! Its not fair.. out of all weeks my camp is on the same day SATC comes out! Karma, I'd say.. but for what exactly??

Yesterday after exams finished, Thanh & I decided to go shopping, we deserved it anyways!!! We have been studying hard all week. I spent a whopping 130! And now I only have 30 dollars on me…BUT IT WAS WORTH IT!!  I love love love love love love retail therapy!!!

As I mentioned earlier, I have camp next week! OMG EXCITED MUCH? Nah im not that excited.. I don't know why. The idea of being away from school excites me & the idea of staying up till late, having d&ms with your besties excites me as well.. but the idea of "camp" doesn't. Everything is weird these days, but weird is the new normal, maybe that's why.

Watching HIMYM has made me realize what I want and don't want in my life. I must say I am very alike to Robyn, our wants and needs are very similar, needless to say, she's a character but it's just very retrograde that she reminds me of myself. On the topic of needs & wants, there are still things on my wish list that I need to tick off and I definitely don't mind another shopping spree, but maybe when I have more than thirty dollars.

On a more special note, I would like to give a shout out to my wonderful CCNF, Jenny Dao and Joanne. I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!! Where would I be without you guys? Probably lonered and unhappified. No matter what Im always here for you guys and my dream of all of us living on the same street in the future would come true okay?! Okay..im starting to get freaky. But you all get the point.

Theres this word in the dictionary that I hate.  Sacrifice. Its equivalent to the word death. Why must sacrifices be made? Why must sacrifices exist? Because you "love" them? , because its the "right" thing to do? Well.. what abt the person on the other end? How are they feeling when the sacrifice is made? Noone wants you to hurt yourself .. for someone else. Its just stupid. Why can't we work it out together..?

As much as i abhor that word.. I have to use it. I have to make a sacrifice.